L & 0: Sandiego
by S.Edd
Summary: Carmen Sandiego is running through New York. Only our favorite crime fighters and a detective from the ACME detective agency can stop her!
1. Default Chapter

A story that's quite fun. Please read and review. I do not own the Law & Order characters, nor do I own Carmen Sandiego or any of the to that effect. I do own Gance though. So, here it is.  
  
L&O: Sandiego:  
  
It was a simple day for the detectives in the 27th precinct, just like it was yesterday, and would probably be like tomorrow. Detective Lenny Briscoe and his partner, Rey Curtis, were sitting at their desks sipping bland coffee and going over old files. "This is so dull, I think my eyes are going to fall out a my head." Rey griped.  
  
"Well, if they do, just make sure they don't land in yer coffee." Lenny snickered as he placed another pile of folders back in a box.  
  
"These are probably the stupidest thieves I have ever heard of." Rey snapped a finger on his paper and leaned back in his chair. "Like these two idiots, failed janitors that tried to help another idiot steal the worlds largest ball of twine." Lenny Grimaced, "Hey maybe they were planning on flying the world's largest kite later that day." He rose to his feet and picked up his coffee cup. "This may be boring, but at least this doesn't involve a dead body."  
  
Two weeks later the detectives left their precinct, with a real case to investigate. Well, sort of. Somebody had broken into the museum of natural history, and proceeded to steal the Tyrannosaurus Rex. Unfortunately a security guard walked in and had a dinosaur claw dropped on his head. He was rushed to the hospital but fell into a comma on arrival.  
  
"Hey Sanchez!" Lenny waved a gloved hand at one of the Crime Scene unit guys. "Find anything?" The man walked up to the two detectives. "Hey Lenny, Rey. Come on; let me show you the security tapes." The two detectives followed Sanchez into the security room while he continued to talk. "We got the whole thing on tape. Just watch." The two detectives stood watching the TV monitor as group of low lives packed up the skeleton. "What 'ill they steal next?" Rey grumbled  
  
"Hold on, watch this." As they continued to watch the monitor, a tall woman wearing a bright red trench coat and a fedora walked around the perimeter of the room. "What the hell?" Rey squinted as he watched, Lenny however was smiling amused. "Is this some sort of new fashion statement I haven't heard about? Sanchez grimaced and leaned forward. "You know what's even better, before the security guard slipped into his coma ya know what he said? Carmen Sandiego did it." The detectives chuckled slightly, and Lenny spoke up, "Oh yeah right Sanchez, a cartoon character jumped out of the TV to steal a skeleton and assault a man. C'mon!" Sanchez backed up placing his hands in front of in a defensive manner, "Hey, I just tell it as it is."  
  
"Great, our only suspect is a fictional character." Lenny looked up from his paper work. "Ah, c'mon Rey, at least this way we know that the only weapon she'll have is a rubber mallet." "Or an anvil." Rey retorted.  
  
The two detectives were once again sitting at their desks, scouring through paper work. Only this time it was for an ever so interesting case. The robbery of a museum turned attempted murder. It wasn't that rare, but having the perp dressed up like a cartoon character was peculiar. "I just don't get it; we haven't found anybody in our files who fits this profile." Rey shook his head and looked up at the Lieutenant who had decided to join the party. "Maybe we better send a description to all other precincts, but in the mean time, Mr. Arnold Baxter, the security guard, is awake. Go and find out what happened." The Lieutenant nodded her head and walked away. Lenny turned to Rey and said, "Let's go." shrugging indifferently.  
"Hey. Mr. Baxter, we're with the NYPD, we just want to ask you about what happened." Lenny looked down at the hospital bed and displayed his badge to the man lying in it. He was an average man, middle aged, and portly. His thinning white hair was hidden by a large bandage around his head. He looked at the two detectives nodded, and squeezed his wife's hand, who was sitting next to him.  
"Mr. Baxter, can you tell us what happened the night of the robbery?" Rey pulled a note pad from his coat. Mr. Baxter looked up again and began to speak in a very noticeable New York accent. "Yeah, it was real weird. I heard some commotion coming from the dinosaur exhibit, so I decided to see what was going on. When I got there, like thirty people were running around, packing up this skeleton. I yelled, and this woman in a red coat and hat walked up to me. I told her to stop and rested a hand on my gun. I started saying that the museum was closed, and that they were stealing museum property. I started to call for help, but the broad knocked the radio out'a my hand. I yelled for everybody to get down, and she starts talking to me like this is some sort of business arrangement, 'Please just turn around and go about your business, this doesn't concern you.'" Mr. Baxter crinkled his nose, imitating the woman. "I told her like hell it didn't and told them all to stop. Then this kid comes up to me and starts yelling, he starts asking me if I know who this is I'm talking to, I told him I didn't care, and that he need to stop and get on the ground. He started cursing at me saying that I had no authority to order Carmen Sandiego to do anything. I asked if that was her, and pointed at the broad in the coat. He started yelling again, saying of course it was, and that I didn't know anything. Then I felt something hard hit my head, and I fell down. The last thing I remember is seeing the broad punch the guy holding one of the bones and telling him to be careful with it."  
  
Lenny grimaced, "And in the mean time you were lying on the floor bleeding?" Mr. Baxter nodded bitterly, and his wife sniffled. "You're gonna find out who this Carmen Sandiego is right?" Rey paused to look at Lenny; it seemed that these people weren't very current on television. "Don't worry ma'am we'll take care of it."  
  
Lenny and Rey returned to the Precinct, pessimistic at their chances of solving this case. As they walked toward their desks they were met by the Lieutenant. "Hey Lieu, find anything?" Rey raised his eye brows inquiring. The Lieutenant stopped. "Yeah, I got something... You may not believe it. But I got it."  
The Lieutenant led Lenny and Rey into her office. There they found a tall woman, who was nothing short of stunning, standing near the Lieutenant's desk. She had shortish black hair, and cool blues eyes that were so pale they made her look icy. The detectives were taken back slightly, but tried to hide it when they realized that she had noticed and was displeased at their silent leer. The Lieutenant stood herself next to the woman. "Detective Briscoe, and Curtis, meet Detective Gance, of the ACME Detective agency." Rey smiled slightly as he shook her hand, he had kids, and they watched cartoons, so this was all to amusing to him. Lenny on the other hand, didn't watch cartoons, and only had knowledge of them from Rey's daughters, and the time he spent flipping through channels.  
  
The Lieutenant continued to explain, "Detective Gance has some very interesting things to tell us." Gance nodded and crossed her arms. "Thank you Lieutenant. I was notified that you have come into contact with a very unique criminal mind. The description of your robber came to my office, and though you may not believe it, she is in fact Carmen Sandiego." Rey squinted skeptically. "This is a joke right? Carmen Sandiego is a cartoon character, she isn't real, and neither is the ACME detective agency." Gance bit her lip at this remark and became stern. "No, detective this is not a joke, Carmen Sandiego is real, and so is the agency I work for. We have been after Carmen for years, she's a former agent, turned criminal, and now thanks to your investigation, we're closer than ever to catching her. Now I understand you skepticism, but the cartoon you've mentioned is not fiction, but rather a very accurate account of a thief."  
  
The detective stood there in bewilderment, Lenny spoke up. "You said that YOUR closer to catching her than ever, but the last time I checked this crime was committed in New York Jurisdiction. We're gonna catch her." Lenny huffed bitterly and locked himself in a staring contest with detective Gance, but her icy gaze was far too unnerving, and he lost. "Carmen Sandiego is an international thief, she has hundreds of people working for her, and she steals things for the challenge of it. You're right this is technically your case, but there are over five hundred other cases about her that are mine. So, I'm here to catch her, the only reason you haven't been reassigned to some other issue, is because I need your knowledge of this city and the people in it, so if you can stop marking your territory for a little while, I need your help to put Carmen Sandiego in prison!" Gance clenched her teeth at Lenny, who stiffened, then nodded conceding unhappily.  
  
"Now, I need to speak with the D.A, I heard that you have two of Carmen's thugs in Rikers right now." Rey tilted his head questioning, "Who?" Gance smiled,(which no one in that room thought was physically possible for her to do) knowing what Rey's reaction to her answer would be. "Rick and Nick Ick, Janitors caught for stealing the world' largest ball of twine." Rey let out a laugh and opened the door for Detective Gance.  
  
Jack McCoy walked out of the courtroom with a healthy dose of frustration pulsing through his veins. Judge Porngracic just excluded a confession in a murder case. It was pretty stupid too; the guy claimed he wasn't given Miranda because he struggled with the arresting officer, who didn't have a chance to ask, "Do you understand these rights?" Like I said, stupid. Jack was going over in his mind just how he could nail this bastard without his confession when Jamie ran up to him, "Hey Jack! Wait!" Jack turned to find his assistant thoroughly out of breath, "The cops, they need to talk to us about the Museum robbery." Jack squinted, "Have they finally found a suspect who is three dimensional?" Jamie pursed her lips, "This is getting out of hand, somebody went to the hospital and tried to smother the only witness with a pillow." "Is he all right?" Jack asked. Jamie nodded, "He played dead, he's okay. But Briscoe says they have somebody who can help, and she's requested us." Jack raised an eyebrow, "Personally?" Jamie shrugged, "All he said was that she requested the prosecutors of the Ick brothers." Jack sighed, "Well, maybe this will be an interesting week after all."  
  
Jack and Jamie entered the precinct to only be met by Lenny, "Glad you guys could make it." "I appreciate the appreciation, but what is this all about detective?" Jack clasped his brief case in front of him and watched Lenny crack a smile. "Honestly, I have no idea, but this case so far has been like that. From what I can tell we're stuck in a cartoon." Jamie removed a scarf from around her neck. "I don't understand, what do you mean?" Lenny continued to smile and shake his head, "Oh, no, don't ask me, you'll have to talk to detective Gance." Jack blinked, "Who's detective Gance?" Lenny looked at Jack, "She's from the ACME Detective agency." Jack and Jamie now understood why detective Briscoe described the case as being "trapped in a cartoon" and he continued. "She is a real good cop and quite a lady, but don't let her looks fool ya she can be colder than a block of ice." Jack and Jamie snickered and followed Lenny through the halls.  
  
"Detective Gance, ADA McCoy and Ross." Lieutenant VanBuren introduced Jack and Jamie to this cool character, and proceed to give her the floor to speak. "I'm sure that she can explain everything to you far better than I could so." Gance opened her mouth and nodded, "First of all it's a pleasure to meet you, and second this is in no way a joke. I know that you think the idea of Carmen Sandiego being a person preposterous, but let me assure you that she is real, and very dangerous. She has created a world wide organization devoted to theft, and we have spent years trying to track her down. Fortunately you two have prosecuted two of her thugs." "The Ick brothers." Jamie acknowledged. "Yes." Gance nodded and continued, "The Ick brothers are in a sense, two of the stupider thieves Carmen employs, and I was hopping that you might be able to arrange a meeting with them so as to gather information." Jack grimaced, "You want us to make a deal so you can catch somebody you have been unable to catch." Gance flashed Jack a chilled look that could have easily turned him into an ice cube. "I doubt you would have to make a deal with them, and as for not being able to catch this criminal, I'm suddenly reminded of a little case called People V. Dobson, episode 1." Jack recoiled; it seemed he would never live down the first case of that wife killing comic. "Touche, detective."  
  
The Councilors and Detectives made their way to Rikers Island to meat with the Ick brothers. They signed in and were lead into a grey room by an armed guard. Soon afterwards two men were brought into the room. One of them was tall and thin, the other was short and fat. Detective Gance was standing by a window with bars across it, everyone else was sitting. "Well, if it isn't the two Jelly brained janitors." Gance snickered at the two men; the thin one narrowed his eyes, "Nice to see you there too, Gance." Jack turned his head slightly towards the cool detective by the window, he wasn't aware they she had met these two idiots before. "We're here because we want to know about the robbery of the Museum of Natural History." The fat one leaned into his brother and said in a hushed voice, "Oh, the big lizard." The thin one jabbed him in the stomach, "Shut up, you putz." Jack was now convinced they knew something, but he was uncomfortable asking them about Carmen Sandiego, he still didn't really believe it. "We ain't sayin' nutin." The skinny man crossed his arms, but not before he glanced over to make sure his brother nodded along with him. Jack decided he'd let Gance handle this. He turned to look at her and motioned for her to carry on with the questioning. She stiffened walked over to the two men and gazed down upon them. They squirmed in their seats and a chill filled the air.  
  
Gance leaned down and rested a hand on the table. "I know you know something; we all know you work for Carmen. I know that you know all about her operation," by this point Gance was breathing down the fat one's neck, his eyes were widening in alarm and the skinny one was getting nervous. "Now, boys, I'm only going to ask this once. If you don't tell me exactly what I want to hear, your lives are going to get very cold."  
  
The skinny man looked at Jack pleading for him to make her stop; Jack tilted his head as did Lenny. They had never seen anything quite like it. She was being completely appropriate, and yet these two grown men were about to pee themselves. Gance noticed the thin ones look towards Jack and before anyone knew what was happening she had flown over to his side and was right against the skinny little freaks face. "You are to look at someone when they are speaking to you!" Her voice was exclaimed and harsh, and yet it's volume level was just above a whisper. Again the temperature in the room dropped.  
  
"Why did Carmen Sandiego take the skeleton? Where is she?" The skinny man looked at Jack again, who was by now becoming concerned. Gance grabbed the man by the chin and forced him to look at her, "Tell me!" The skinny mans face twisted up into a blubbering mess. "She stole it for Bob Cretin, the millionaire. He paid like ten million dollars, from what I heard she's still in the city." Gance let go of the man's face, who was by now puffy and tear stained, he turned to his brother who gave him a look of disgust and turned away acting like he didn't even know him.  
The Councilors and Detectives left Rikers Island, Lenny caught up to Gance. "That was some show; I got cold in there just watching it." Gance gave Lenny another out of character smile and walked towards the car, Rey and Jamie followed, trying to keep themselves from giggling. Jack on the other hand sighed collectively becoming more and more intrigued by this odd person.  
  
"Bob Cretin, millionaire, eccentric, and all around annoying guy." Lenny took a sip from his coffee and made a sickened face. "Eck, it's cold." And rightly so, it was about eleven thirty, and everything was cold.  
  
All five people sat at this table covered with papers. Jack rubbed his eyes and rested his groggy head on a groggy hand, "If only we could have gotten the subpoena this morning." He looked over at Jamie accusingly. She yawned and didn't pay any attention. "This guys financial records are a mile long, I doubt we'll find anything."  
They all sat in silence for a moment, then Rey stood to get some more coffee, "Hey, anybody want a refill?" Rey looked at all the tired faces who seemed to be ignoring him, "Detective Gance?" Gance looked up from her paper, her eye lids sagging, "Huhh?" Rey waved the coffee pot, "Refill?" Gance shook her head, "Ah, no, thanks." Rey nodded, poured himself a cup and sat down. "And it's Ella." Rey looked up to see Gance gazing at him with those cool blues eyes suddenly awake, "Excuse me?" He blinked, not understanding, she smiled slightly. "My name is Ella." Rey nodded, "Oh, thanks, Ella." Jack, who had been reading and not paying much attention to the conversation, looked up at the mention of her name. "Your first name's Ella?" She turned her head and looked at Jack suspiciously, "Yes. It is." Jack grinned widely, and stretched his arms over his head. Lenny wrinkled his brow, "What's so funny about that?" Jack looked at Lenny, his grin broadening, "Its just I've never met anyone named, Ella Gance, before." At this the whole table chuckled, and Ella blushed, "Yes, yes, my name's a play on words." Jack leaned forward. "Not only that, it's even more amusing that a detective such as yourself." Jack paused just long enough to raise his eyebrows and give her a devilish smirk," Named Ella Gance, is chasing after Carmen Sandiego." He leaned back in his chair and now it was Ella's turn to give him a devilish grin, "You know what?" Ella leaned forward, "My partner's name was Phil Osophy."  
  
About forty five minutes later they were all back to staring at paper work, the jokes made earlier long forgotten. Just then Lenny leaned forward an excited look on his face starting to grow, "Hey, look at this, Cretin wired ten million dollars to a Swedish bank account four days before the robbery." Ella straightened, "What's the name on the account?" Leaned scrolled down the paper and grinned, "Moe Cash."  
The next day the detectives went down to Bob Cretins house to ask him a few questions, there as they walked up the lawn they noticed something through the second floor window, as they looked closer they realized that it was a skull, a dinosaur skull. Since the object in question was in plain view the immediately arrested Bob Cretin, he was arraigned that very day and remanded without bail.  
  
Ella and the Detectives were now able to talk to him, "So Bob," Lenny began, "How long have you known Carmen?" Mr. Cretin stiffened his lip and darted his eyes across the room. Rey got up from his chair and stood in front of him, "C'mon we got better things to do then screw around with you, tell us where she is, NOW!" Mr. Cretin shivered and looked up at Rey, "I think she's in a little motel on Lexington Avenue. She said she wanted to see a few sights."  
Ella, Rey, and Lenny all headed down to "John Q's Motel" they came through the doors with swat from the New York Police department as well as the ACME detective agency. They got the room they were looking for and headed down the dusty hall towards it. When they found the door all they could hear was the blare of television set, which had the cartoon channel on. One of them swat team officers knocked down the door after a count of three and they all ran inside. 


	2. Ch2

The continuation! I only own Ella. So don't sue!! Please!!  
  
As soon as they got in they ran into the bathroom, and found no one. They stood in the single room to find it empty, not a soul was there. Ella clenched her teeth and hit the wall, "Damn it! She's always one step ahead!" Rey and Lenny dropped their heads in disappointment, and took off their bullet proof vests. Ella ripped hers off and through it on the floor, and again her anger made the room frosty. Just as she was about to put a hole in the wall she pause and looked at a chair near the T.V. She looked at Lenny and Rey, who were just as perplexed as she was. Ella walked over to the chair and picked up a red fedora, and as she did a note fell out of it.  
  
It was late and Jack and Jamie were packing up, "It's too bad the detectives didn't catch Sandiego." It was still weird for Jamie to say that name. Jack placed a scarf around his neck. "Yeah, but they fought the good fight. Ella helped the museum get their fossil back, and it was really nice to meet her." Jamie smiled roguishly at his remark, picked up Jack's briefcase and handed it to him. He raised an eyebrow defensively, "What?"  
  
Jamie smiled impishly. "Oh nothing Mr. Flirt, I gotta get home, tomorrow's Katie's birthday, I'm going to bake her a cake." Jack smiled, "I feel sorry for her." Jamie crinkled her nose and smirked, "Ha, ha, very funny." Just as the two were about to leave they noticed a warmer than usual Ella Gance standing in the door way, before they could say anything she spoke, "It was nice working with you guys, I hope to see you soon." Ella handed Jack the note, "This is for you too." She nodded and walked away. Jack looked at Jamie; read the note quickly, huffed disapprovingly and handed it to her. Jamie took it and read what it had too say,  
  
"Dear Detective Gance, Briscoe, Curtis, ADA McCoy, and Ross,  
  
If you are all reading this then I take it that you have found my former Motel room. Congratulations on retrieving the skeleton I so effortlessly stole, as well as on the arrest of Mr. Cretin. Your actions however slow, were very well executed. I apologize that I can't praise you all in person. But in order to do that I would have to expose myself to officers of the court, and I'm not about to do something that ill fated. My work is far from over, and it would seem reckless of me if I were to be arrested in of all places, New York. Best wishes to one and all, even if you did think I was just a cartoon character. The next Artifact or Landmark I steal will be dedicated to all of you. So until then, I'm sure you'll all keep asking yourselves the same question, "Where in the world is Carmen Sandiego?"  
  
I'll never tell,  
  
Sincerely,  
  
C.S 


End file.
